Post by trey on Jun 17, 2009 16:26:55 GMT -5
I'm regressing this time, but I redid the first two scenes with a friend. Still a bit loose since he has about as much script writing experience as I do, but hopefully there's some progress.
INT. COLLEGE DORM – MORNING (ABOUT 2:30)
Shot of a dorm hallway. A head moves into frame, with the camera now tracking said person as he walks down the hallway and stops at the second to last door. His name is Perry, 22, a slight, intense looking student. Perry pulls out a cell phone and looks at for a few seconds. He then pauses for a good period of time, before looking at his phone again, looking more and more concerned and impatient. From inside the room, rock music and indistinct dialogue can be heard. Finally, he looks at his phone, his face relaxes and he types a quick message. Then he raps on the door he has been standing in front of. The door swings open to have an average-Joe sort of kid looking at him.
PERRY
Hey, you wanna help out with something really big?
CUT TO
Perry is now walking down the hallway and stairwell with the two students.
PERRY
…. It’s gonna be this epic prank they’re pulling on the Pi Sig’s. AND, we’ve got ourselves a nice little in at their next function provided we move all this shit out of my friend’s dorm.
STUDENT #1
You can’t tell us anything?
PERRY
(derisive laugh) Yeah, I wouldn’t risk word of this getting out
The trio stops before two muscular, anxious-looking men in Delta sweaters, one Japanese the other German, standing next to a pile of four, very full duffel bags.
PERRY
(To the men) Sup, guys. I was able to get some help in loading the shit.
The two students grin, an expression the men don’t return.
CUT TO
EXT. DORM PARKING LOT – STILL MORNING
Perry swings the door to the outside open. The four others trudge out, carrying the bodies to a dark grey minivan parked by the building.
STUDENT #2
Oof, Jesus. The fuck you have in here, bodies?
PERRY
(without a trace of nervousness) Oh, you know it. ‘Bring out ya dead!’ ‘Bring out ya dead!’
STUDENT #2
(laughs) But seriously…
PERRY
Just…. I told you, you’ll see. (at the van) JEAN! Open the bag, we got ‘em!
JEAN
(off screen from inside the van) Hang on….
The back of the van swings open and Perry begins to first help the two students load the bags into the back of the van. Jean can be seen looking back at them.
PERRY
Yeah, just throw them on, that’s it.
The last bag is tossed and the Japanese man slams the door shut and goes to the driver’s side. Perry approaches the two students (out of earshot from the van).
STUDENT #1
Hey, who were those two guys?
PERRY
Oh, them? Just Delta alumni. But you didn’t see them tonight either. (winks) So gentlemen, just so we’re clear 20 bucks, each.
He hands a bill to each, smiling student.
STUDENT #1
No prob. Anytime man.
GERMAN MAN
Perry, c’mon. I think these boys deserve a lot more for helping out the Deltas.
He pulls out a fad wad of 50 dollar bills and pulls out 14 of them from the wad.
GERMAN MAN
Here.
The boys take the money, looking as though they were just handed solid gold bongs.
STUDENT #1
Dude…..
STUDENT #2
.… Jesus.
GERMAN MAN
But, (much more menacingly than Perry) this means not a word.
STUDENT #2
(ecstatic) Dude, you fucking got it.
STUDENT #1
Hole-lee shiiit….
The German man turns around and gets into the van.
PERRY
Kay. I’ll catch you guys later, alright?
STUDENT #2
(still looking at money) Yeah, take it easy….
STUDENT #1
Later!
The two students run into the building, unable to contain their glee. Perry stares at them grinning.
GERMAN MAN
Perry! Get in!
Perry runs into the van which takes off seconds after he gets in.
CUT TO
INT. VAN
Steffan (the German man) and Jean clap enthusiastically while Kinetsu (the Japanese man) makes congratulatory hooting noises. All look much more relived, if a bit still on edge. Perry, who has crouched in the back of the van with the duffel bags looks very pleased with himself.
STEFFAN
I gotta say, that was some goddamn cockhole amazing plan there Perr.
PERRY
Toldja it would work. What did I say, huh? What did I say?!
STEFFAN
I admit, I wasn’t so sure when you said we only had a minute to get it all out. But holy Jesus…..
PERRY
Just played it casual. You gotta act like it’s all alright. Cause it is. And I mean, we know each other so it wasn’t like any big deal for them. Plus nobody gets between the frats here.
JEAN
Hah hah, yeah. But you don’t think those kids will loosen their tongues? I mean, at all? Cause, I mean shot goes bad and this could get out into the media by tomorrow. I’m just saying….
PERRY
I think 700 dollars worth of malt liquor and hemp will keep us safe. They’re good kids. (laughs to himself) Say, I better get an outstanding report for Mr. Ammer and the Big H once we get to HQ, you hear me boys?
STEFFAN
Yeah, sure thing prick. (now dead serious) But you do know the minute those boys blow our cover, they’ll be the second ones dead.
Perry’s smile doesn’t falter.
PERRY
You worry way too much dude. We’ve done our part. We’re done. I mean, just done. We just gotta, you know, hope that she is real cooperative and shit like that. This *should* work. Oh! By the way, which one is she?
KINETSU
The one with the pink stripe on the front.
Perry scans the bag pile before pulling the correct one out from under two of the bags. The bags fall and flop a bit on the bumpy van. Perry zips open the duffel bag. Looking back is a 19-year-old girl dressed in sweats, motionless but breathing.
JEAN
Miss Monica….
PERRY
Hmm…. (looks at body with an almost concern)
STEFFAN
The gas is gonna wear off in a good 20 minutes. There’s some rope chord and duct tape in one of those backpacks.
PERRY
(still intently looking at Monica) Yeah, thanks…
STEFFAN
(after a long pause) You gonna ask her out or what?
PERRY
(turns around and laughs) You dickybird. Come here! (goes to smack Steffàn’s head)
CUT TO
EXT. VAN – STILL MORNING
Raucous laughter from the men can be heard from outside the van as if travels into the horizon on a car-free road.
INT: LOCATION UNKNOWN
The scene fades into a figure sitting in a chair. She has her legs tied up individually and her arms are tied up behind her back. She is blindfolded with a gag in her mouth and drummer’s headphones on. Behind her, a large hooded figure wearing a mask has his hands resting of her shoulders. The camera suddenly switches off.
O.S. VOICE (MR. AMMER)
Alright, I think we got enough tape fodder.
O.S. VOICE (OTHER MAN)
(jokingly) And on the first take too, such a pro Ammer.
AMMER
Bring the other three in, we have one last bit of business.
From behind Monica and the hooded figure, three chairs are brought in from another room. Each chair has one of Monica’s friends bound and gagged in the same way as her. Each hooded figure slowly draws out a handgun from each of their clothing and keeps them held by their side. Ammer points off screen to Monica’s figure who begins to take off her headphones and then her mouth gag.
MONICA
(hyperventilating and starting to breathe again) Hello? Hello?! Who’s there?! Hello?!?
AMMER
Monica, shhhh.
MONICA
Wait, who are you? Where is-
AMMER
Monica, I need you to please cooperate, I need-
MONICA
What are you doing? GET ME OUT OF HERE!
AMMER
Monica, hey, please be-
One of the hooded figures behind Monica whistles shrilly. Monica stops talking.
AMMER
(sighs) Thank you. Monica, it is very unfortunate that you had to be caught up in this but-
MONICA
Caught up with what? What is this?! (struggles with ropes)
Ammer gestures to Monica’s figure to gag her again. He takes the rag and jams pulls it across her mouth tightly.
AMMER
Sorry. Now, it is very unfortunate that you had to be caught up in this, but your father has currently put us in a very difficult position. We are, how you would say, concerned with our future. We fear that some of the decisions made today will have incredibly detrimental side effects for tomorrow and we hope to work for a solution. You’re a smart girl, surely this makes perfect sense to you, yes?
Monica stays still, but can clearly heard him.
AMMER
Your father, Theodore Kaplan is a very powerful man. He lobbies for both auto and oil companies under the current administration. However, last month he finalized a decision that led to the destruction of the remaining producer of electric cars. And we feel as though it would be better if your father would work for the tomorrow’s benefit and not himself.
Ammer signals for the figure to remove Monica’s blindfold. Monica blinks awake and her eyes dart all around the seemingly empty warehouse. The figure also take the cloth out of her mouth.
AMMER
We would not normally bound you like this, but we need Teddy K to think you’re in some sort of great danger so he’ll be more respectful of our instructions.
MONICA
He wouldn’t negotiate with you. No matter what.
AMMER
Well, that will be pretty hard considering we don’t know where he lives. You and your friends will be-
MONICA
Wait, what? (torques her head behind her where she sees her friends bound and gagged with the masked figures holding handguns)
AMMER
Monica look forward. Look back at them again and so help us, we’ll kill them.
Monica swallows a hard lump in her throat.
AMMER
If Teddy K can bring back the electric car within a month, you and your friends will be let go. (Monica yelps, but Ammer cuts her off) So, you had better hope we can deliver this DVD because we have really no use for you.
MONICA
No…
AMMER
We’re all very impatient people, Monica. That’s why with mankind hurtling towards annihilation, we sometimes have to smack them upside the head just to remind them what they should have been doing all along. We’re all very sorry that you have to be a part of this. (the hammer on a gun is heard being cocked) Where does your father live, Monica?
MONICA
(starts to cry)
AMMER
One…. Two….. Three…
Ammer counts up to 10 in an almost bored manner. Monica progressively starts to cry harder.
AMMER
…Ten
MONICA
No, wait I’ll-
Three gunshots are heard although Monica can’t see that they were all fired into the same hostage. She starts to cry incredibly hard and then throws up on herself.
AMMER
Well, you ready?
MONICA
(defeated and sick) Just fucking kill me why don’t you?
AMMER
Two more, Miss Monica. You want to at least save one of them, don’t you?
Monica sits slumped in her chair for a long pause.
MONICA
(voice cracking) It’s….. 1025 Rowse-Carey Avenue. Hillsborough, CA. 650-940210.
AMMER
(elated) Thank you, Monica. (to figure) Cut her loose, she’s eating with us tonight.
The hooded figure unties the ropes on Monica’s hands and she falls forward in her seat.
O.S. VOICE
Someone get a fucking towel.
INT. COLLEGE DORM – MORNING (ABOUT 2:30)
Shot of a dorm hallway. A head moves into frame, with the camera now tracking said person as he walks down the hallway and stops at the second to last door. His name is Perry, 22, a slight, intense looking student. Perry pulls out a cell phone and looks at for a few seconds. He then pauses for a good period of time, before looking at his phone again, looking more and more concerned and impatient. From inside the room, rock music and indistinct dialogue can be heard. Finally, he looks at his phone, his face relaxes and he types a quick message. Then he raps on the door he has been standing in front of. The door swings open to have an average-Joe sort of kid looking at him.
PERRY
Hey, you wanna help out with something really big?
CUT TO
Perry is now walking down the hallway and stairwell with the two students.
PERRY
…. It’s gonna be this epic prank they’re pulling on the Pi Sig’s. AND, we’ve got ourselves a nice little in at their next function provided we move all this shit out of my friend’s dorm.
STUDENT #1
You can’t tell us anything?
PERRY
(derisive laugh) Yeah, I wouldn’t risk word of this getting out
The trio stops before two muscular, anxious-looking men in Delta sweaters, one Japanese the other German, standing next to a pile of four, very full duffel bags.
PERRY
(To the men) Sup, guys. I was able to get some help in loading the shit.
The two students grin, an expression the men don’t return.
CUT TO
EXT. DORM PARKING LOT – STILL MORNING
Perry swings the door to the outside open. The four others trudge out, carrying the bodies to a dark grey minivan parked by the building.
STUDENT #2
Oof, Jesus. The fuck you have in here, bodies?
PERRY
(without a trace of nervousness) Oh, you know it. ‘Bring out ya dead!’ ‘Bring out ya dead!’
STUDENT #2
(laughs) But seriously…
PERRY
Just…. I told you, you’ll see. (at the van) JEAN! Open the bag, we got ‘em!
JEAN
(off screen from inside the van) Hang on….
The back of the van swings open and Perry begins to first help the two students load the bags into the back of the van. Jean can be seen looking back at them.
PERRY
Yeah, just throw them on, that’s it.
The last bag is tossed and the Japanese man slams the door shut and goes to the driver’s side. Perry approaches the two students (out of earshot from the van).
STUDENT #1
Hey, who were those two guys?
PERRY
Oh, them? Just Delta alumni. But you didn’t see them tonight either. (winks) So gentlemen, just so we’re clear 20 bucks, each.
He hands a bill to each, smiling student.
STUDENT #1
No prob. Anytime man.
GERMAN MAN
Perry, c’mon. I think these boys deserve a lot more for helping out the Deltas.
He pulls out a fad wad of 50 dollar bills and pulls out 14 of them from the wad.
GERMAN MAN
Here.
The boys take the money, looking as though they were just handed solid gold bongs.
STUDENT #1
Dude…..
STUDENT #2
.… Jesus.
GERMAN MAN
But, (much more menacingly than Perry) this means not a word.
STUDENT #2
(ecstatic) Dude, you fucking got it.
STUDENT #1
Hole-lee shiiit….
The German man turns around and gets into the van.
PERRY
Kay. I’ll catch you guys later, alright?
STUDENT #2
(still looking at money) Yeah, take it easy….
STUDENT #1
Later!
The two students run into the building, unable to contain their glee. Perry stares at them grinning.
GERMAN MAN
Perry! Get in!
Perry runs into the van which takes off seconds after he gets in.
CUT TO
INT. VAN
Steffan (the German man) and Jean clap enthusiastically while Kinetsu (the Japanese man) makes congratulatory hooting noises. All look much more relived, if a bit still on edge. Perry, who has crouched in the back of the van with the duffel bags looks very pleased with himself.
STEFFAN
I gotta say, that was some goddamn cockhole amazing plan there Perr.
PERRY
Toldja it would work. What did I say, huh? What did I say?!
STEFFAN
I admit, I wasn’t so sure when you said we only had a minute to get it all out. But holy Jesus…..
PERRY
Just played it casual. You gotta act like it’s all alright. Cause it is. And I mean, we know each other so it wasn’t like any big deal for them. Plus nobody gets between the frats here.
JEAN
Hah hah, yeah. But you don’t think those kids will loosen their tongues? I mean, at all? Cause, I mean shot goes bad and this could get out into the media by tomorrow. I’m just saying….
PERRY
I think 700 dollars worth of malt liquor and hemp will keep us safe. They’re good kids. (laughs to himself) Say, I better get an outstanding report for Mr. Ammer and the Big H once we get to HQ, you hear me boys?
STEFFAN
Yeah, sure thing prick. (now dead serious) But you do know the minute those boys blow our cover, they’ll be the second ones dead.
Perry’s smile doesn’t falter.
PERRY
You worry way too much dude. We’ve done our part. We’re done. I mean, just done. We just gotta, you know, hope that she is real cooperative and shit like that. This *should* work. Oh! By the way, which one is she?
KINETSU
The one with the pink stripe on the front.
Perry scans the bag pile before pulling the correct one out from under two of the bags. The bags fall and flop a bit on the bumpy van. Perry zips open the duffel bag. Looking back is a 19-year-old girl dressed in sweats, motionless but breathing.
JEAN
Miss Monica….
PERRY
Hmm…. (looks at body with an almost concern)
STEFFAN
The gas is gonna wear off in a good 20 minutes. There’s some rope chord and duct tape in one of those backpacks.
PERRY
(still intently looking at Monica) Yeah, thanks…
STEFFAN
(after a long pause) You gonna ask her out or what?
PERRY
(turns around and laughs) You dickybird. Come here! (goes to smack Steffàn’s head)
CUT TO
EXT. VAN – STILL MORNING
Raucous laughter from the men can be heard from outside the van as if travels into the horizon on a car-free road.
INT: LOCATION UNKNOWN
The scene fades into a figure sitting in a chair. She has her legs tied up individually and her arms are tied up behind her back. She is blindfolded with a gag in her mouth and drummer’s headphones on. Behind her, a large hooded figure wearing a mask has his hands resting of her shoulders. The camera suddenly switches off.
O.S. VOICE (MR. AMMER)
Alright, I think we got enough tape fodder.
O.S. VOICE (OTHER MAN)
(jokingly) And on the first take too, such a pro Ammer.
AMMER
Bring the other three in, we have one last bit of business.
From behind Monica and the hooded figure, three chairs are brought in from another room. Each chair has one of Monica’s friends bound and gagged in the same way as her. Each hooded figure slowly draws out a handgun from each of their clothing and keeps them held by their side. Ammer points off screen to Monica’s figure who begins to take off her headphones and then her mouth gag.
MONICA
(hyperventilating and starting to breathe again) Hello? Hello?! Who’s there?! Hello?!?
AMMER
Monica, shhhh.
MONICA
Wait, who are you? Where is-
AMMER
Monica, I need you to please cooperate, I need-
MONICA
What are you doing? GET ME OUT OF HERE!
AMMER
Monica, hey, please be-
One of the hooded figures behind Monica whistles shrilly. Monica stops talking.
AMMER
(sighs) Thank you. Monica, it is very unfortunate that you had to be caught up in this but-
MONICA
Caught up with what? What is this?! (struggles with ropes)
Ammer gestures to Monica’s figure to gag her again. He takes the rag and jams pulls it across her mouth tightly.
AMMER
Sorry. Now, it is very unfortunate that you had to be caught up in this, but your father has currently put us in a very difficult position. We are, how you would say, concerned with our future. We fear that some of the decisions made today will have incredibly detrimental side effects for tomorrow and we hope to work for a solution. You’re a smart girl, surely this makes perfect sense to you, yes?
Monica stays still, but can clearly heard him.
AMMER
Your father, Theodore Kaplan is a very powerful man. He lobbies for both auto and oil companies under the current administration. However, last month he finalized a decision that led to the destruction of the remaining producer of electric cars. And we feel as though it would be better if your father would work for the tomorrow’s benefit and not himself.
Ammer signals for the figure to remove Monica’s blindfold. Monica blinks awake and her eyes dart all around the seemingly empty warehouse. The figure also take the cloth out of her mouth.
AMMER
We would not normally bound you like this, but we need Teddy K to think you’re in some sort of great danger so he’ll be more respectful of our instructions.
MONICA
He wouldn’t negotiate with you. No matter what.
AMMER
Well, that will be pretty hard considering we don’t know where he lives. You and your friends will be-
MONICA
Wait, what? (torques her head behind her where she sees her friends bound and gagged with the masked figures holding handguns)
AMMER
Monica look forward. Look back at them again and so help us, we’ll kill them.
Monica swallows a hard lump in her throat.
AMMER
If Teddy K can bring back the electric car within a month, you and your friends will be let go. (Monica yelps, but Ammer cuts her off) So, you had better hope we can deliver this DVD because we have really no use for you.
MONICA
No…
AMMER
We’re all very impatient people, Monica. That’s why with mankind hurtling towards annihilation, we sometimes have to smack them upside the head just to remind them what they should have been doing all along. We’re all very sorry that you have to be a part of this. (the hammer on a gun is heard being cocked) Where does your father live, Monica?
MONICA
(starts to cry)
AMMER
One…. Two….. Three…
Ammer counts up to 10 in an almost bored manner. Monica progressively starts to cry harder.
AMMER
…Ten
MONICA
No, wait I’ll-
Three gunshots are heard although Monica can’t see that they were all fired into the same hostage. She starts to cry incredibly hard and then throws up on herself.
AMMER
Well, you ready?
MONICA
(defeated and sick) Just fucking kill me why don’t you?
AMMER
Two more, Miss Monica. You want to at least save one of them, don’t you?
Monica sits slumped in her chair for a long pause.
MONICA
(voice cracking) It’s….. 1025 Rowse-Carey Avenue. Hillsborough, CA. 650-940210.
AMMER
(elated) Thank you, Monica. (to figure) Cut her loose, she’s eating with us tonight.
The hooded figure unties the ropes on Monica’s hands and she falls forward in her seat.
O.S. VOICE
Someone get a fucking towel.