Post by andreib on Dec 18, 2008 9:03:12 GMT -5
Okay, so I've put together the first draft of the script for my SERIOUS comic project. This ain't no 24 hour project, this'll be big boots. But if I'm going to invest that much time, I should have a decent script, right? And to do that, I need people's thoughts. Go nuts, here's all 34 pages of it: 
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Small bits of concept art:
There's carver:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v63/ASBASB/staggered_small2.jpg
And in this one you can see Carver and a very, very preliminary design for Kestler:
jasonabrahams.deviantart.com/art/Riddance-65567878
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DEAD BY THIRTY: ISSUE ONE.
RUBEUN CARVER is a pale 22 year old young man with dark hair that hangs in folds around his pale face. He rarely smiles. He wears a simple black tunic with a breastplate over the top. His left shoulder is covered in random religious objects, a rusted over bronze medallion, prayer beads, etc. He has a simple longsword strapped to his back. On his face is a black tikalat on his forehead and a curl of black painted on his right cheek.
TETHLIS ELLEN is a tall, curly haired man with bandages around his upper head and one arm. He wears loose baggy oriental clothing and smokes from a pipe. He’s clearly older and a bit more weather-beaten.
PHOEBE KESTLER is a slim, grungy 22 year old woman with long and wavy blonde hair that she sometimes wears in designs that makes it look like she has horns. She often has a guitar strapped to her back and has blue eyes. Could be a model if she cared about her appearance enough.
OFFICER TILDA is a short woman in her early thirties with her hair in a bun, a business-like army uniform and big boots. Squints a lot.
HESS is an undead rockstar. He wears a figure hugging leather suit covered in buckles, wraparounds and belts. His features are withering slightly, his eyes are black with white pupils. His nails are long and painted black and he has two long tendrils of hair either side of his face that he keeps beads on. He has a metal black guitar tied to his waist.
Where I’ve written something –in these-, it indicates thought bubbles.
PAGE1
PANEL 1 Entrance to the town, a young man in black walks in, his hands hidden in his robes. It’s Carver.
Sign: Welcome to DYLAN.
Box: Let’s say there were these men, barely out of boyhood who had plunged themselves so far into the black things that these men were not men anymore.
PANEL 2
Closer up on Carver. He looks unconcerned as he walks by as a guard by the gate threatens him.
Box: They were now an order named the Jenseits, so steeped in horror that they could battle death and its armies, but for a few terrible costs
Guard: “We’re watching you ghoul. Got our graves locked up nice and tight.”
PANEL 3
Carver is walking past a shrine placed on the side of the street covered in flowers with a portrait of a man in the middle. A man is holding a sign reading ‘Hess will return!’
Box: And at the end of their battle, despite all their tinkering in the dark they would lose their battle against death just like everyone else.
PANEL 4:
Tethlis at a table with the tall guard. Tethlis has a scotch and has his face obscured by bandages.
Guard from before: “Let’s say there’s a jenseit in the town of Dylan right now.”
Tethlis: “He’s here about the murder.”
PAGE 2
PANEL 1:
Close up on Tethlis. Tethlis has bandages around his right arm and his forehead and right eye. Long curly, dark brown hair.
“I was hired to investigate into Hess’s murder. If the monarchists are hiring this gravedigger to do the same then there’s more going on than I know.”
PANEL 2:
Tethlis stands from table.
Guard: “More at stake than just one dead musician?”
Tethlis: “I haven’t heard any evidence about the undead involved in this yet. Keep an eye out. Night.”
PANEL 3: [box: Later that night.]
Tethlis looks down at business card with emblem of the monarchy on it. He is sitting on a bed.
-Mind you, it should have got me suspicious that the Monarchy hired one of the more conspicuous psychics around. My name is Tethlis Ellen, infamous esper detective.-
PANEL 4:
Tethlis sits on his bed in the dark. He is using his powers to unravel his bandages.
-When I come across the undead, I do what anyone else with brains does, and run. That’s when the unpopular jenseits get involved.-
PAGE 3
PANEL 1:
Officer Tilda is a short haired woman in an old fashioned military outfit with squinty eyes and her hair in a bun. She leads Carver down a corridor.
Officer: “I understand that you’re the most talented jenseit in your year. We’re very pleased to have you here.”
Carver: “Talent doesn’t have too much to do with being a jenseit. Mostly discipline. I restrict myself far more effectively than others do.”
“Restrictions? Like what?”
PANEL 2:
Carver: “I don’t really have a life. That makes it easier to tap into death. Other things. No relationships, no family, no legacy and no ego. All that helps with not needing what the people of Dylan are so worried about.”
T: “I’m sorry? Worried?”
PANEL 3:
Carver: “Come on. They’re worried I’m going to need to start killing infants and dismembering their late grandparents to get powers.”
Officer: [looks nervous] “And will you?”
Carver: “No!”
PANEL 4: [small] Close up on Carver.
Carver: “But no promises.”
PAGE 4
PANEL 1:
Officer Tilda, Carver and Tethlis are shaking hands in a room filled with big desks. There is a chart up with written facts about the Hess murder, including a map, scribbled details and witnesses.
Officer- “Thank you gentlemen, I am Officer Tilda, representing the monarchy. Rubeun Carver is our jenseit and undead expert, here to help us on this murder case. Carver, this is Tethlis, an esper assisting in the investigation.”
PANEL 2:
Tethlis is taking over the show. He introduces the case to Carver.
Tethlis: “Thank you Tilda. I’ll give you the facts Carver. The victim was James Hess, a charismatic and talented local musician. The murder occurred somewhere between 3 to 6am on a Saturday night in the back alleys of the town of Dylan.”
PANEL 3:
Tethlis scratches at his bandages foreground. Carver and Officer background.
“The victim was killed in one shot from a precise custom-made rifle aimed at the heart. I’ve sneaked and questioned the minds of Hess’s friends and contacts – nobody knows any likely enemies of Hess or any motives.”
PANEL 4:
Speech bubble at bottom. Panel shows Hess in the street at night in a pool of blood.
“Our only promising suspect at this stage is an individual wearing a red mask seen by a handful of intoxicated witnesses in an alleyway close to the scene on the night of the murder.”
PAGE 5
PANEL 1:
Carver has a hand at his mouth. Tethlis looks slyly at Officer Tilda.
Carver: “This is all very disturbing, but how do I come into it? What makes you think an undead was involved?”
Tethlis: “My thoughts exactly. Why bring in a jenseit?”
PANEL 2:
Small panel, close up on Tilda’s face.
“It involves Phoebe Kestler, Hess’s girlfriend, also a talented musician. Hess thinks she’s in trouble...”
PANEL 3:
Looking down on Hess’s body, shirtless, on a morgue table, rickety wood. Not CSI Miami. Use lots of grey here to make it seem dark.
Tilda: “Two days ago I was examining Hess’s bullet wound and… something happened.”
PANEL 4:
Close-up view. Hess has sprung up from the table with dark eyes, has grabbed Officer Tilda by the wrists.
Hess: “Promise me you’ll protect Kestler! Don’t let the ruin get to her! Promise!”
PAGE 6
PANEL 1:
Carver looks concerned. Trio are sitting in the investigation room.
Carver: “He definitely said the word ruin?”
Tilda: “Sure as I’m sitting here. I researched the word while Tethlis was following up on possible witnesses.”
Tethlis: “You should have told me. I had to pick through the lurid memories of eight people’s Saturday night while you had a genuine lead!”
PANEL 2:
Picture displays a cloister with four jenseits, all seemingly young and armed, talking with each other. One of them is Carver.
Carver: “I’ve heard whisperings of the ‘ruin’ back home. When the corpses are doing strange things… things that look organised. That word tends to pop up.”
PANEL 3:
Tilda takes charge, pointing to picture of Kestler on investigation board.
Tilda: “Our first priority is to ensure Miss Phoebe Kestler is safe. Carver, from hereonin your assigned duty is to ensure her safety and glean as much information as possible from anyone – living or dead - that tries to do her harm. Tethlis, you will continue to hunt Hess’s murderer.”
PAGE 7
PANEL 1:
Carver is pissed. He towers above Officer Tilda, who is unrepentant.
Carver: “Not a chance, officer. I don’t know how informed you are up here in relative safety, but down south there are corpses rising every day. I’m not going to play bodyguard and let my sword rust while I can be used where the fighting is.”
Tilda: “The Monarchy knows about the undead problem down south, jenseit, and we are acting to remedy the situation. Might I remind you that your order is being paid a very generous amount for you to conduct this task without complaint?”
PANEL 2:
Tethlis sits at the desk as the others stand. He is lighting up a pipe.
Tethlis: “Carver. She’s a musician, an artist. If it weren’t for them the Renaissance would’ve wiped everything out. Besides, it sounds to me like the spirits think whatever took out Hess is going after Kestler next.”
PANEL 3:
Carver’s profile foreground. He is looking away. Officer Tilda background.
Officer: “The monarchy needs Kestler alive. Will you do it?”
Carver: “I’ll do my best, but I haven’t been trained in people skills.”
PAGE 8
PANEL 1: [box: Carver dresses to blend in with the youth.]
Shows Carver’s room in an inn. Tethlis is leaning next to the open window smoking. Outside the window we can see thatched rooves, obviously not a modern setting.
Carver (behind door): “These jeans are so tight! Are you sure this is what kids here are wearing?”
Tethlis: “You talk like you’re older than me. How old are you anyway? Twenty?”
Carver: “I’m twenty-two, thanks. I grew up fast. Most orphans do.”
Tethlis: “Parents are overrated, kid. Not as forgiving as everyone makes out.”
PANEL 2:
Carver comes out, wearing black jeans and a black shirt. He has his sword strapped to his arse with a belt. His arms are skinny. He looks grumpy. Tethlis is amused.
Tethlis: “I sense you feel very awkward.”
Carver: “Har-har. Is this really necessary?”
PANEL 3:
Close up on Tethlis as he smokes. Chimneys and rooves in the background.
Tethlis: “If there are undead assassins about, they’re a lot more likely to try it when it doesn’t look like there’s a black-magic spewing jenseit within two metres. God knows I feel like killing hipsters enough already, imagine how homicidal corpses feel.”
Carver: “Fine.”
PAGE 9:
PANEL 1:
Small box. Tethlis handing Carver paper. Tethlis grinning with pipe.
Tethlis: “Here’s her address. Go get ‘em tiger.”
Carver: “Thanks. Good luck with your hunt.”
PANEL 2:
Carver is standing in front of address with the paper in his hand. Back to viewer. There’s some punky girls out the front. One is wearing glasses in a flamboyant skirt.
PANEL 3:
The girls are staring at Carver suspiciously. They are in punk style with long hair and quite intimidating.
Carver: “Is Phoebe Kestler in? I kinda need to talk to her.”
Punk1: “Kestler wants to be left alone.”
Punk2: “No visitors or fans by pain of death!”
Punk3: “And especially no sleazebags trying to comfort her in her current state.”
PANEL 4:
Carver is reasoning with the girls.
Carver: “It’s nothing like that! I’m here on orders of the Monarchy! I’m a jenseit, I just got dressed this way by a psychic involved with the investigation of her dead boyfriend. We’re worried the undead might be involved!”
Punk1: “You’ve got a sick sense of humour for a sleaze.”
Punk2: “That’s the most unlikely story I’ve ever heard!”
PAGE 10:
PANEL1:
Carver is looking increasingly awkward and embarrassed as the girls take out their anger on him.
Carver: “Look, don’t make me prove it to you. I’m a jenseit from down south. This is important.”
Punk1: “Sympathy sleazes are the worst!”
Punk2: “We have enough problems with Kestler’s rampant alcoholism without having a heckler annoy us today too!”
PANEL 2: THE NEXT THREE PANELS ARE STRETCHED ACROSS THE PAGE.
Small panel. Carver looks sadly at them.
Carver: “Fine. Just don’t over-react.”
PANEL 3:
Carver’s eyes roll up into his head,, his hands at his heart he drops to his knees with a “thud” sound effect.
Carver: “Acgh.”
PANEL 4:
Carver’s body lies still on the ground.
PANEL5:
One of the girls is checking his pulse at the wrist worriedly. The other two are looking shocked.
Punk1 (lost her cool): “There’s no pulse! He’s dying… or dead! Help! Somebody help!”
PAGE 11
PANEL 1, FULL PAGE.
First sight of Kestler. A slim girl with long, messy blonde hair is sitting on a mattress surrounded by used tissues, empty bottles, tissue boxes, wires, an electric guitar and a general indie mess. She looks morbidly depressed and her posture is awful.
Panel narration1: -It was all going great. His band was shooting to stardom. I was getting some wonderful cred and I was beginning to feel it, you know, really know what it was all about. And he was genuine. A genuine, fun guy.-
Narration2: -In six months or less we would have been on our way to the big city. An apartment and late nights. Suddenly he and that future is gone. My happiness just left lying bloodied on a road early Sunday morning.-
Narration3: -After his loss, nothing. No practice, no rehearsal, no life, no love, no ANYTHING. It’s like he borrowed my muse before he was killed.-
PANEL 2.
Close up on side profile of Kestler’s face buried in hands. Very small panel.
Kestler: -It’d all make a great album, if it wasn’t so goddamned awful.-
PAGE 12
PANEL 1
Kestler is sitting at the left, a ghostly Carver is sitting at the right. He is dressed in his priestly robes and is completely white and quite hazy.
Carver (all lowercase type funny speech bubble): “excuse me? phoebe kestler?”
PANEL 2
Same layout repeated but Kestler has looked up and is frightened.
Kestler: “Oh christ. It’s far too early in the day to be this drunk.”
Carver: “uhm no, i don’t think you’re that gone yet. my name is rubeun carver, i’m a jenseit sent by the monarchy to protect you after hess’s murder.”
PANEL 3
Kestler: “You’re a ghost.”
Carver (putting one hand through the other): “ah, yeah. my body is out the front of the house. your friends said you didn’t want to be disturbed. i should get back into it before they bury me.”
PANEL 4
Carver (fading away): “come outside and meet me. it’s important.”
Kestler: “Whatever.” *holding hand to head as if she has a headache*
PAGE 13
PANEL 1
There is a small crowd around Carver’s dead body. They have placed a white cloth over his face and laid his sword by his side.
Punk1: “And then he just sort of… choked. Dead! Right there!”
Punk2: “Not breathing, cold as the crypt!”
PANEL 2
Kestler has joined the small group around the body. Group looks shocked.
Kestler: “Um, I’m here now Carver. Carver?”
Carver (speech bubble comes from underneath blanket over face): “Finally.”
PANEL 3
Carver and Kestler are drinking at a table in Kestler’s house against a wall with posters up. You can see a poster for Hess’s band ‘REMNANT’ and one for Kestler. Carver has his sword hidden by him and Kestler has her guitar by her.
Carver: “And that’s basically why I’m here. The monarchy seems pretty intent on keeping you protected. I honestly think they’re hiding something.”
Kestler: “Yeah, it’d be for the Inspiration project. I’m a contributor, that’s how I afforded this place.”
Carver: “What’s the Inspiration project? Something to do with your music?”
Kestler: “That’s right. The monarchy record me and have joint ownership of my music… the tapes end up going somewhere and the monarchy representatives try slowly to get some creative control.”
PAGE 14
PANEL 1
Kestler fiddles with her guitar on the table.
Carver: “And Hess was involved with this?”
Kestler: “You catch on fast. Hess got me into the project.”
PANEL 2
The two stand and walk towards the door, hands in pockets. Guitar on back, sword in belt.
Carver: “What’s Inspiration?”
Kestler: “You know that buzz of energy from hearing a great song that touches you? The monarchy are all about researching it, doing tests and that. It’s cool. Really pushing the whole pseudoscience thing to new levels.”
PANEL 3
Carver close-up, Kestler in tow.
Kestler: “At first I was pretty against it all, using music for military means, but since Hess got killed... that sort of thing gives you a reason, right?”
Carver: -So that’s it. I’m guarding a military research asset. All these musicians are just subjects for the Monarchy to get more power.-
PAGE 15
PANEL 1
Tethlis is sitting on a roof while a cockney-style chimney sweep is working on a big sooty chimney. Tethlis looks annoyed as the sweep works. Big panel with awesome background of town.
Tethlis: “So tell me what you saw up on the rooves that night. The guards said you described something wearing a mask with a long rifle.”
Sweep: “I’ve olreddy tole them all I know! Not sure if I believe it meself, it’s pretty fuzzy.”
PANEL 2
Pissed off close-up of Tethlis.
-God this is annoying. I could just clutch this imbeciles head and see it all for myself. There’s a risk he could resist my powers, but it’s totally unlikely.-
-What the the heck, let’s do it-
PANEL 3
Tethlis grabs the Sweeps head with both hands, dark crackling energy coming out of his head. Sweep looks visibly distressed.
Sweep: “Aaaargh!”
PAGE 16
PANEL1: Long, stretched across page.
Tethlis is leaping across a roof after the Sweep, who seems intent on fleeing him, leaving a sooty trail in his wake.
Tethlis: “Stop! This is important!”
PANEL 2
Tethlis throws his hand out and places another hand to his forehead to focus as the Sweep is pulled over by an unseen force. We can see energy crackling out behind Tethlis’s head.
PANEL 3
Sweep slides down roof tiles, cracking them, his body lands to rest in a gutter perched above the town.
PANEL 4
Tethlis pulls his hand down onto the man’s head, his other hand focusing.
Tethlis: “So much for making it easier... What did you see that night?”
PAGE 17
This page will be very dark. *Refer to Hellboy for artistic style*
PANEL 1
Masked undead killer with a big steampunk sniper rifle. Holds a strange long bullet in his hands with all sorts of black curly designs on it.
PANEL 2
The killer has shot the rifle, we see a long sickly stream of smoky curls coming from angle of shot.
PANEL 3
Silhouette of Hess’s body left in a coffin underground. The bullet lodged in his body glows with smoke and his eyes are open, white and glowing.
PANEL 4
Tethlis, immersed in darkness, with a huge pair of different, disembodied white eyes staring down at him from the black. He looks bewildered.
Tethlis: “What? What’s happening? Who’s there?”
PAGE 18
PANEL 1: Tethlis stares up at the white eyes.
Tethlis: “This vision is going too far. Are you undead? What are you? Why did you want me to get this further information?”
PANEL 2: Tethlis alone in the black. Full body shot.
Tethlis: “Okay. I’m still in the vision. Right. How do I get out?”
PANEL 3: Skeletal figures begin to rise out of the dark, smoke rising from the holes that they’re emerging from. Tethlis has his visible eye squeezed shut.
Tethlis: “Come on! Focus man! Hurry! Not the fire!”
PANEL 4: Tethlis awake on the rooftop, eye wide open, dripping with sweat, looking over town.
PAGE 19
PANEL 1: Carver and Kestler in a carriage. Carver is reading a book, has his sword resting between his knees. Looks disciplined compared to Kestler who is slouched back, looking out the carriage window bored, playing with hair.
PANEL 2: Colouring totally different. Kestler is playing guitar in some forest town. Hess is there, looking very much alive. The pair are smiling.
Hess: “No, I’m serious, that’s a fantastic set. Are you sure you haven’t had proper training?”
Kestler: “You’re being nice to me, that’s an easy one to learn.”
PANEL 3: Kestler and Hess are sitting in a train carriage.
Hess: “Hey Phoebe, I decided to write you a song. It’s called ‘awesome lady from heaven planet’.”
PANEL 4: Back to carriage.
Carver (hasn’t even raised his eyes): “I suppose you must be thinking about Hess. I wouldn’t if I were you.”
Kestler: *looks very pissed off*
PAGE 20
PANEL 1: Carver and Kestler are getting out of the carriage, Tethlis and Tilda are there on the streets outside a large keep.
Tethlis: “Hey kids. I think we’ve got problems. Whatever’s happened with Hess has spilled out into the psychic realm.”
Carver: “What’s happening in the psychic realm?”
PANEL 2: Tethlis and closeup of Kestler looking shocked.
Tethlis: “Hess has become one of the undead and they want us to know it.”
PANEL 3:
Tilda and Carver checking weapons with Kestler in the background.
Tilda: “We should secure Hess’s body and remove it from any other corpses in case it’s a warning of things to come.”
Carver: “Agreed. We need to move quickly. Where is he buried?”
PANEL 4: Kestler yells at Carver.
Kestler: “Are you insane? Undead!? As in a zombie?!?”
Carver, looking grim as ever: “Let’s hope he’s a zombie. Then he’ll be easier to dismember.”
PAGE 21
PANEL1: Arguments.
Kestler: “I can’t believe you! He’s my goddamn cockhole soul mate and you’re talking about chopping him up right in front of me?”
Tethlis: “Don’t worry Kestler, we’re just checking it out. Visions aren’t always true. Besides, we can do this while you stay with officer Tilda.”
PANEL 2:
Carver: “Not true, we need her.”
Tilda: “What!? Why? She’s no use in that sort of fight.”
Carver: “If Hess has become a spirit or some other spectre with unfinished business, Kestler’s the only one here that will know what it is. She knows Hess better than anyone in town.”
PANEL 3:
Kestler: “You assholes. I’ll go. But I want armour and the best gun the monarchy can afford. You bastards want me alive for the rest of Inspiration project, you can at least equip me right.”
PAGE 22
Half of the page is a full body shot of Kestler with steel armour in various parts, holding the Curtiss-Jenny flintlock with both hands.
PANEL 1: closeup of gun in a velvet lined box.
“The Curtiss-Jenny is the most advanced flintlock made today. It combines a near unbustable chamber with projectile force that break the bones of up to three corpses in a 60ft line.”
PANEL 2:
Carver (looking worried): “That’s all very well and good, but how’s your aim?”
Kestler (smiling): “I’ll get some training done and when we arrive by midnight we can find out then.”
Tethlis: “Midnight arrival? It’s almost like we’re asking for this to be difficult.”
PAGE 23
PANEL ONE: Big image. Towering hill covered in gravestones and withered trees with a crypt up the top silhouetted by the moon. Group gathered by the gate.
PANEL TWO: Walking up the steps.
Carver: “Hess is buried in the crypt. Tethlis will keep the light up. Kestler shoot when they come close, go for the upper torso or head. I’ll lead.”
PANEL THREE: Carver turns, looks serious to them.
Carver: “If you see anything made out of a strange black metal, tell me and we’ll get out of there as soon as possible. Understood?”
PAGE 24
PANEL ONE: A rotten man bursts out of the shadows of the crypt towards the group. He is fast.
Rotten man: “Auuuargh!”
PANEL TWO:
Carver swings his sword in an arc and opens the corpse up. –SPLICH!-
PANEL THREE:
Tethlis and Kestler look shocked and unhappy. Carver has his face scrunched up and his sword is out, coated in gore. Foreground is body, twitching fingers.
PANEL FOUR: The team is heading down into an inky black crypt with gothic statues lining the walls. Carver leads with his sword out.
Kestler: “So this is your job? Going down into these places and stopping the dead rising?”
Carver: “Yeah. Jenseits can sense undead before they strike, we don’t get infected, we can’t be controlled and we’ve got all sorts of means to blast them to bits.”
PAGE 25 Action page, less text, more gory pics.
PANEL ONE: A lumbering zombie lurches out of the dark towards them. Carver looks determinedly away from it to something out of shot.
Carver: “Kestler, you take the slow one, two more are coming from in front of me!”
Tethlis is holding a handkerchief to his mouth and nose.
PANEL TWO:
Kestler shoots, the zombie’s upper body is reduced to red mist. –SPLUNCH!-
PANEL THREE:
Carver drives his sword down into one zombies shoulder, throws his hand out and blasts light out into one trying to bite his arm. –SPLICH!-
PAGE 26
PANEL ONE:
Corpses line the floors. The group’s silhouette continues down the corridor.
PANEL TWO:
A coffin with various flowers, pictures and a guitar scattered on it is in front before the group. Carver is standing above it with the others in the background looking worried, half faces are dark.
Carver: “This must be the one.”
PANEL THREE:
Carver pulls off stone casket, flowers fall on floor, petals come loose, pictures smash.
PANEL FOUR:
Closeup on Carver, with black figure loom above him with eyes lit, see Hellboy for style. Carver can’t see the figure but is yelling at the others.
Carver: “Guys! Watch out! It’s empty!”
PAGE 27
PANEL ONE:
Undead Hess lines up a swing with his guitar, he’s wearing all black, black metal seems to be coming out of his upper ribcage and arms. Carver is turning to react with his sword.
PANEL TWO:
-T-T-TANG!- Carver has been smashed across the head with Hess’s guitar and is flying across the room, his sword flying from his hand.
Carver: “Ugnh!”
Kestler and Tethlis: “No!”
Hess: “A jenseit here? I’m not going anywhere, altar-boy.”
PANEL THREE:
Carver is on his knees, undead Hess brings his guitar around into Tethlis’s neck, dropping him. See Scott pilgrim for brutal fight moves.
PAGE 28
PANEL ONE: Hess stands in front of Kestler. Kestler has the gun drawn at his head.
Kestler: “Hess? Is that you? What’s happened?”
Hess: “I’m so happy to see you again.”
Tethlis, downed: “He’s undead Kestler! It’s not your boyfriend!”
Kestler: “SHUT UP! HESS! Tell us what’s going on!”
PANEL TWO: Focusses entirely on Hess.
Hess: “Isn’t it obvious Kestler? Death has lost its power and the revival has been perfected. We can die and survive, creating music forever. We won’t become flesheaters, we’re ARTISTS. We’ve been chosen to create art forever. Don’t be frightened.”
PANEL THREE: Carver looks up, nose bloodied. He looks angry.
PAGE 29
PANEL ONE: Close up on Tethlis.
Tethlis: -Okay Carver, this dialogue is just going to end in the corpse guitarist trying to kill us, so I’m going to slide your sword to you, but for god’s sake, remain quiet-
PANEL TWO: Close up on Carver.
Carver: -I’ll do what I can. Make sure you keep him distracted.-
PANEL THREE:
Kestler and Hess eyeing each other off warily.
Kestler: “If you’re really okay and everything’s still working upstairs, what was the name of the song you wrote for me?”
Hess: “Augh! Do I have to say it so publicly?”
Kestler: “Yes.”
PAGE 30
PANEL ONE: Close-up on Hess, a bloodied Carver skulks behind him.
Hess: “Fine. It was ‘awesome lady from heaven planet’. Please put away the gun.”
Kestler: “It is you!”
PANEL TWO:
Carver drives his sword down into Hess’s exposed back, blood spurts from the opening in his chest, Hess turns around.
Hess: “You sneaky little bastard!”
Kestler: “No! Stop!”
PANEL THREE:
Hess and Carver jump away from each other.
Hess: “You misguided fool. You really don’t know what’s coming, do you?”
Carver: “I know bullshit when I hear it, and that old immortality line is full of it.”
Kestler: “Both of you! Stop! He’s my boyfriend!”
PAGE 31
PANEL ONE: Carver and Hess are duelling, guitar to sword. Both look furious.
Carver: “So what makes you talk? I’ve never seen that in a corpse before.”
Hess: “I’m telling you I’m perfectly in control of my own senses. You’re not banishing me anywhere.”
PANEL TWO: Carver thrusts and misses.
Hess: “Looks like your order just became redundant. Looks like all the oaths and the training and the sacrifices were pointless. Poor you.”
PANEL THREE: Hess has backed off and his coated in darkness. Carver has pulled out a human arm, bandaged and covered in strange superstitious charms.
Carver: “Not entirely redundant. I still have plenty of tricks.”
Hess: “Just one out of many in the full catalogue of the jenseits’ disgusting secrets.”
PAGE 32
PANEL ONE: Kestler helping up Tethlis.
Kestler: “Why’s he got that arm? That’s revolting!”
Tethlis: “All the jenseits strongest forces come from returning stolen parts back to the troubled deceased owners. They essentially graverobbers for spiritual power.”
PANEL TWO: Carver holds the arm in front of him. He is bathed in light.
Carver: “Assist me, divided Rosner. I return this stolen limb to you, unresting spirit!”
PANEL THREE:
An arcane circle surrounds Carver. He seems to have a ghostly insubstantial figure behind him. He holds out his sword and beams coruscate out. Carver smiles evilly.
PANEL FOUR:
Hess being blasted by magic.
PAGE 33
PANEL ONE: Hess has been fried, chunks are missing here and there. He is sinking into the shadows behind him.
Hess: “It was nice to see you again Phoebe, and lovely to meet you, Rubeun Carver but I need to deliver a message before I go.”
“This is just the beginning. All artists will turn to us, all of the useless consuming human society will be wiped from the planet. The jenseits will die young and alone. The ruin is coming.”
PANEL TWO: Closeup on Kestler who looks determined.
Kestler: “Good bye Hess.”
PANEL THREE: Hess’s face sinks into black.
Hess: “I’ll see you again.”
PAGE 34
PANEL ONE
Carver, Tilda and Tethlis are sitting at a table in a bar. In the background we can see Kestler playing guitar and singing. All characters are watching her.
BOX: Two days later.
CARVER: “She is a fantastic musician, isn’t she? I don’t normally get to hear bands.”
TILDA: “She is, yes. Excellent results. Listen Carver, you need to become familiar with the inspiration project. You’re going to need to accompany Kestler to the capital.”
PANEL TWO
TILDA: “But hey, I was talking to Kestler about you and she doesn’t know anything about the jenseits. At some point you need to explain a lot more about what you do. I don’t want her freaking out.”
Carver: “I’ll get it done. Soon.”
PANEL THREE, split panel with two sides.
Kestler jams out on guitar, hair going everywhere.
Carver sits watching intently, spine curled over with poor posture. Sideways profile.
BOX: To be continued.
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And there you have it. What do you think? I'm not giddy excited about it, but are you meant to be giddy about the script for the comic? It's only when I start drawing expressions and poses and stuff like that that I really get into it. I don't think the characters swear enough, and I don't think Kestler hates Carver enough, although in the next episode she'll hate him plenty.
---
Small bits of concept art:
There's carver:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v63/ASBASB/staggered_small2.jpg
And in this one you can see Carver and a very, very preliminary design for Kestler:
jasonabrahams.deviantart.com/art/Riddance-65567878
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DEAD BY THIRTY: ISSUE ONE.
RUBEUN CARVER is a pale 22 year old young man with dark hair that hangs in folds around his pale face. He rarely smiles. He wears a simple black tunic with a breastplate over the top. His left shoulder is covered in random religious objects, a rusted over bronze medallion, prayer beads, etc. He has a simple longsword strapped to his back. On his face is a black tikalat on his forehead and a curl of black painted on his right cheek.
TETHLIS ELLEN is a tall, curly haired man with bandages around his upper head and one arm. He wears loose baggy oriental clothing and smokes from a pipe. He’s clearly older and a bit more weather-beaten.
PHOEBE KESTLER is a slim, grungy 22 year old woman with long and wavy blonde hair that she sometimes wears in designs that makes it look like she has horns. She often has a guitar strapped to her back and has blue eyes. Could be a model if she cared about her appearance enough.
OFFICER TILDA is a short woman in her early thirties with her hair in a bun, a business-like army uniform and big boots. Squints a lot.
HESS is an undead rockstar. He wears a figure hugging leather suit covered in buckles, wraparounds and belts. His features are withering slightly, his eyes are black with white pupils. His nails are long and painted black and he has two long tendrils of hair either side of his face that he keeps beads on. He has a metal black guitar tied to his waist.
Where I’ve written something –in these-, it indicates thought bubbles.
PAGE1
PANEL 1 Entrance to the town, a young man in black walks in, his hands hidden in his robes. It’s Carver.
Sign: Welcome to DYLAN.
Box: Let’s say there were these men, barely out of boyhood who had plunged themselves so far into the black things that these men were not men anymore.
PANEL 2
Closer up on Carver. He looks unconcerned as he walks by as a guard by the gate threatens him.
Box: They were now an order named the Jenseits, so steeped in horror that they could battle death and its armies, but for a few terrible costs
Guard: “We’re watching you ghoul. Got our graves locked up nice and tight.”
PANEL 3
Carver is walking past a shrine placed on the side of the street covered in flowers with a portrait of a man in the middle. A man is holding a sign reading ‘Hess will return!’
Box: And at the end of their battle, despite all their tinkering in the dark they would lose their battle against death just like everyone else.
PANEL 4:
Tethlis at a table with the tall guard. Tethlis has a scotch and has his face obscured by bandages.
Guard from before: “Let’s say there’s a jenseit in the town of Dylan right now.”
Tethlis: “He’s here about the murder.”
PAGE 2
PANEL 1:
Close up on Tethlis. Tethlis has bandages around his right arm and his forehead and right eye. Long curly, dark brown hair.
“I was hired to investigate into Hess’s murder. If the monarchists are hiring this gravedigger to do the same then there’s more going on than I know.”
PANEL 2:
Tethlis stands from table.
Guard: “More at stake than just one dead musician?”
Tethlis: “I haven’t heard any evidence about the undead involved in this yet. Keep an eye out. Night.”
PANEL 3: [box: Later that night.]
Tethlis looks down at business card with emblem of the monarchy on it. He is sitting on a bed.
-Mind you, it should have got me suspicious that the Monarchy hired one of the more conspicuous psychics around. My name is Tethlis Ellen, infamous esper detective.-
PANEL 4:
Tethlis sits on his bed in the dark. He is using his powers to unravel his bandages.
-When I come across the undead, I do what anyone else with brains does, and run. That’s when the unpopular jenseits get involved.-
PAGE 3
PANEL 1:
Officer Tilda is a short haired woman in an old fashioned military outfit with squinty eyes and her hair in a bun. She leads Carver down a corridor.
Officer: “I understand that you’re the most talented jenseit in your year. We’re very pleased to have you here.”
Carver: “Talent doesn’t have too much to do with being a jenseit. Mostly discipline. I restrict myself far more effectively than others do.”
“Restrictions? Like what?”
PANEL 2:
Carver: “I don’t really have a life. That makes it easier to tap into death. Other things. No relationships, no family, no legacy and no ego. All that helps with not needing what the people of Dylan are so worried about.”
T: “I’m sorry? Worried?”
PANEL 3:
Carver: “Come on. They’re worried I’m going to need to start killing infants and dismembering their late grandparents to get powers.”
Officer: [looks nervous] “And will you?”
Carver: “No!”
PANEL 4: [small] Close up on Carver.
Carver: “But no promises.”
PAGE 4
PANEL 1:
Officer Tilda, Carver and Tethlis are shaking hands in a room filled with big desks. There is a chart up with written facts about the Hess murder, including a map, scribbled details and witnesses.
Officer- “Thank you gentlemen, I am Officer Tilda, representing the monarchy. Rubeun Carver is our jenseit and undead expert, here to help us on this murder case. Carver, this is Tethlis, an esper assisting in the investigation.”
PANEL 2:
Tethlis is taking over the show. He introduces the case to Carver.
Tethlis: “Thank you Tilda. I’ll give you the facts Carver. The victim was James Hess, a charismatic and talented local musician. The murder occurred somewhere between 3 to 6am on a Saturday night in the back alleys of the town of Dylan.”
PANEL 3:
Tethlis scratches at his bandages foreground. Carver and Officer background.
“The victim was killed in one shot from a precise custom-made rifle aimed at the heart. I’ve sneaked and questioned the minds of Hess’s friends and contacts – nobody knows any likely enemies of Hess or any motives.”
PANEL 4:
Speech bubble at bottom. Panel shows Hess in the street at night in a pool of blood.
“Our only promising suspect at this stage is an individual wearing a red mask seen by a handful of intoxicated witnesses in an alleyway close to the scene on the night of the murder.”
PAGE 5
PANEL 1:
Carver has a hand at his mouth. Tethlis looks slyly at Officer Tilda.
Carver: “This is all very disturbing, but how do I come into it? What makes you think an undead was involved?”
Tethlis: “My thoughts exactly. Why bring in a jenseit?”
PANEL 2:
Small panel, close up on Tilda’s face.
“It involves Phoebe Kestler, Hess’s girlfriend, also a talented musician. Hess thinks she’s in trouble...”
PANEL 3:
Looking down on Hess’s body, shirtless, on a morgue table, rickety wood. Not CSI Miami. Use lots of grey here to make it seem dark.
Tilda: “Two days ago I was examining Hess’s bullet wound and… something happened.”
PANEL 4:
Close-up view. Hess has sprung up from the table with dark eyes, has grabbed Officer Tilda by the wrists.
Hess: “Promise me you’ll protect Kestler! Don’t let the ruin get to her! Promise!”
PAGE 6
PANEL 1:
Carver looks concerned. Trio are sitting in the investigation room.
Carver: “He definitely said the word ruin?”
Tilda: “Sure as I’m sitting here. I researched the word while Tethlis was following up on possible witnesses.”
Tethlis: “You should have told me. I had to pick through the lurid memories of eight people’s Saturday night while you had a genuine lead!”
PANEL 2:
Picture displays a cloister with four jenseits, all seemingly young and armed, talking with each other. One of them is Carver.
Carver: “I’ve heard whisperings of the ‘ruin’ back home. When the corpses are doing strange things… things that look organised. That word tends to pop up.”
PANEL 3:
Tilda takes charge, pointing to picture of Kestler on investigation board.
Tilda: “Our first priority is to ensure Miss Phoebe Kestler is safe. Carver, from hereonin your assigned duty is to ensure her safety and glean as much information as possible from anyone – living or dead - that tries to do her harm. Tethlis, you will continue to hunt Hess’s murderer.”
PAGE 7
PANEL 1:
Carver is pissed. He towers above Officer Tilda, who is unrepentant.
Carver: “Not a chance, officer. I don’t know how informed you are up here in relative safety, but down south there are corpses rising every day. I’m not going to play bodyguard and let my sword rust while I can be used where the fighting is.”
Tilda: “The Monarchy knows about the undead problem down south, jenseit, and we are acting to remedy the situation. Might I remind you that your order is being paid a very generous amount for you to conduct this task without complaint?”
PANEL 2:
Tethlis sits at the desk as the others stand. He is lighting up a pipe.
Tethlis: “Carver. She’s a musician, an artist. If it weren’t for them the Renaissance would’ve wiped everything out. Besides, it sounds to me like the spirits think whatever took out Hess is going after Kestler next.”
PANEL 3:
Carver’s profile foreground. He is looking away. Officer Tilda background.
Officer: “The monarchy needs Kestler alive. Will you do it?”
Carver: “I’ll do my best, but I haven’t been trained in people skills.”
PAGE 8
PANEL 1: [box: Carver dresses to blend in with the youth.]
Shows Carver’s room in an inn. Tethlis is leaning next to the open window smoking. Outside the window we can see thatched rooves, obviously not a modern setting.
Carver (behind door): “These jeans are so tight! Are you sure this is what kids here are wearing?”
Tethlis: “You talk like you’re older than me. How old are you anyway? Twenty?”
Carver: “I’m twenty-two, thanks. I grew up fast. Most orphans do.”
Tethlis: “Parents are overrated, kid. Not as forgiving as everyone makes out.”
PANEL 2:
Carver comes out, wearing black jeans and a black shirt. He has his sword strapped to his arse with a belt. His arms are skinny. He looks grumpy. Tethlis is amused.
Tethlis: “I sense you feel very awkward.”
Carver: “Har-har. Is this really necessary?”
PANEL 3:
Close up on Tethlis as he smokes. Chimneys and rooves in the background.
Tethlis: “If there are undead assassins about, they’re a lot more likely to try it when it doesn’t look like there’s a black-magic spewing jenseit within two metres. God knows I feel like killing hipsters enough already, imagine how homicidal corpses feel.”
Carver: “Fine.”
PAGE 9:
PANEL 1:
Small box. Tethlis handing Carver paper. Tethlis grinning with pipe.
Tethlis: “Here’s her address. Go get ‘em tiger.”
Carver: “Thanks. Good luck with your hunt.”
PANEL 2:
Carver is standing in front of address with the paper in his hand. Back to viewer. There’s some punky girls out the front. One is wearing glasses in a flamboyant skirt.
PANEL 3:
The girls are staring at Carver suspiciously. They are in punk style with long hair and quite intimidating.
Carver: “Is Phoebe Kestler in? I kinda need to talk to her.”
Punk1: “Kestler wants to be left alone.”
Punk2: “No visitors or fans by pain of death!”
Punk3: “And especially no sleazebags trying to comfort her in her current state.”
PANEL 4:
Carver is reasoning with the girls.
Carver: “It’s nothing like that! I’m here on orders of the Monarchy! I’m a jenseit, I just got dressed this way by a psychic involved with the investigation of her dead boyfriend. We’re worried the undead might be involved!”
Punk1: “You’ve got a sick sense of humour for a sleaze.”
Punk2: “That’s the most unlikely story I’ve ever heard!”
PAGE 10:
PANEL1:
Carver is looking increasingly awkward and embarrassed as the girls take out their anger on him.
Carver: “Look, don’t make me prove it to you. I’m a jenseit from down south. This is important.”
Punk1: “Sympathy sleazes are the worst!”
Punk2: “We have enough problems with Kestler’s rampant alcoholism without having a heckler annoy us today too!”
PANEL 2: THE NEXT THREE PANELS ARE STRETCHED ACROSS THE PAGE.
Small panel. Carver looks sadly at them.
Carver: “Fine. Just don’t over-react.”
PANEL 3:
Carver’s eyes roll up into his head,, his hands at his heart he drops to his knees with a “thud” sound effect.
Carver: “Acgh.”
PANEL 4:
Carver’s body lies still on the ground.
PANEL5:
One of the girls is checking his pulse at the wrist worriedly. The other two are looking shocked.
Punk1 (lost her cool): “There’s no pulse! He’s dying… or dead! Help! Somebody help!”
PAGE 11
PANEL 1, FULL PAGE.
First sight of Kestler. A slim girl with long, messy blonde hair is sitting on a mattress surrounded by used tissues, empty bottles, tissue boxes, wires, an electric guitar and a general indie mess. She looks morbidly depressed and her posture is awful.
Panel narration1: -It was all going great. His band was shooting to stardom. I was getting some wonderful cred and I was beginning to feel it, you know, really know what it was all about. And he was genuine. A genuine, fun guy.-
Narration2: -In six months or less we would have been on our way to the big city. An apartment and late nights. Suddenly he and that future is gone. My happiness just left lying bloodied on a road early Sunday morning.-
Narration3: -After his loss, nothing. No practice, no rehearsal, no life, no love, no ANYTHING. It’s like he borrowed my muse before he was killed.-
PANEL 2.
Close up on side profile of Kestler’s face buried in hands. Very small panel.
Kestler: -It’d all make a great album, if it wasn’t so goddamned awful.-
PAGE 12
PANEL 1
Kestler is sitting at the left, a ghostly Carver is sitting at the right. He is dressed in his priestly robes and is completely white and quite hazy.
Carver (all lowercase type funny speech bubble): “excuse me? phoebe kestler?”
PANEL 2
Same layout repeated but Kestler has looked up and is frightened.
Kestler: “Oh christ. It’s far too early in the day to be this drunk.”
Carver: “uhm no, i don’t think you’re that gone yet. my name is rubeun carver, i’m a jenseit sent by the monarchy to protect you after hess’s murder.”
PANEL 3
Kestler: “You’re a ghost.”
Carver (putting one hand through the other): “ah, yeah. my body is out the front of the house. your friends said you didn’t want to be disturbed. i should get back into it before they bury me.”
PANEL 4
Carver (fading away): “come outside and meet me. it’s important.”
Kestler: “Whatever.” *holding hand to head as if she has a headache*
PAGE 13
PANEL 1
There is a small crowd around Carver’s dead body. They have placed a white cloth over his face and laid his sword by his side.
Punk1: “And then he just sort of… choked. Dead! Right there!”
Punk2: “Not breathing, cold as the crypt!”
PANEL 2
Kestler has joined the small group around the body. Group looks shocked.
Kestler: “Um, I’m here now Carver. Carver?”
Carver (speech bubble comes from underneath blanket over face): “Finally.”
PANEL 3
Carver and Kestler are drinking at a table in Kestler’s house against a wall with posters up. You can see a poster for Hess’s band ‘REMNANT’ and one for Kestler. Carver has his sword hidden by him and Kestler has her guitar by her.
Carver: “And that’s basically why I’m here. The monarchy seems pretty intent on keeping you protected. I honestly think they’re hiding something.”
Kestler: “Yeah, it’d be for the Inspiration project. I’m a contributor, that’s how I afforded this place.”
Carver: “What’s the Inspiration project? Something to do with your music?”
Kestler: “That’s right. The monarchy record me and have joint ownership of my music… the tapes end up going somewhere and the monarchy representatives try slowly to get some creative control.”
PAGE 14
PANEL 1
Kestler fiddles with her guitar on the table.
Carver: “And Hess was involved with this?”
Kestler: “You catch on fast. Hess got me into the project.”
PANEL 2
The two stand and walk towards the door, hands in pockets. Guitar on back, sword in belt.
Carver: “What’s Inspiration?”
Kestler: “You know that buzz of energy from hearing a great song that touches you? The monarchy are all about researching it, doing tests and that. It’s cool. Really pushing the whole pseudoscience thing to new levels.”
PANEL 3
Carver close-up, Kestler in tow.
Kestler: “At first I was pretty against it all, using music for military means, but since Hess got killed... that sort of thing gives you a reason, right?”
Carver: -So that’s it. I’m guarding a military research asset. All these musicians are just subjects for the Monarchy to get more power.-
PAGE 15
PANEL 1
Tethlis is sitting on a roof while a cockney-style chimney sweep is working on a big sooty chimney. Tethlis looks annoyed as the sweep works. Big panel with awesome background of town.
Tethlis: “So tell me what you saw up on the rooves that night. The guards said you described something wearing a mask with a long rifle.”
Sweep: “I’ve olreddy tole them all I know! Not sure if I believe it meself, it’s pretty fuzzy.”
PANEL 2
Pissed off close-up of Tethlis.
-God this is annoying. I could just clutch this imbeciles head and see it all for myself. There’s a risk he could resist my powers, but it’s totally unlikely.-
-What the the heck, let’s do it-
PANEL 3
Tethlis grabs the Sweeps head with both hands, dark crackling energy coming out of his head. Sweep looks visibly distressed.
Sweep: “Aaaargh!”
PAGE 16
PANEL1: Long, stretched across page.
Tethlis is leaping across a roof after the Sweep, who seems intent on fleeing him, leaving a sooty trail in his wake.
Tethlis: “Stop! This is important!”
PANEL 2
Tethlis throws his hand out and places another hand to his forehead to focus as the Sweep is pulled over by an unseen force. We can see energy crackling out behind Tethlis’s head.
PANEL 3
Sweep slides down roof tiles, cracking them, his body lands to rest in a gutter perched above the town.
PANEL 4
Tethlis pulls his hand down onto the man’s head, his other hand focusing.
Tethlis: “So much for making it easier... What did you see that night?”
PAGE 17
This page will be very dark. *Refer to Hellboy for artistic style*
PANEL 1
Masked undead killer with a big steampunk sniper rifle. Holds a strange long bullet in his hands with all sorts of black curly designs on it.
PANEL 2
The killer has shot the rifle, we see a long sickly stream of smoky curls coming from angle of shot.
PANEL 3
Silhouette of Hess’s body left in a coffin underground. The bullet lodged in his body glows with smoke and his eyes are open, white and glowing.
PANEL 4
Tethlis, immersed in darkness, with a huge pair of different, disembodied white eyes staring down at him from the black. He looks bewildered.
Tethlis: “What? What’s happening? Who’s there?”
PAGE 18
PANEL 1: Tethlis stares up at the white eyes.
Tethlis: “This vision is going too far. Are you undead? What are you? Why did you want me to get this further information?”
PANEL 2: Tethlis alone in the black. Full body shot.
Tethlis: “Okay. I’m still in the vision. Right. How do I get out?”
PANEL 3: Skeletal figures begin to rise out of the dark, smoke rising from the holes that they’re emerging from. Tethlis has his visible eye squeezed shut.
Tethlis: “Come on! Focus man! Hurry! Not the fire!”
PANEL 4: Tethlis awake on the rooftop, eye wide open, dripping with sweat, looking over town.
PAGE 19
PANEL 1: Carver and Kestler in a carriage. Carver is reading a book, has his sword resting between his knees. Looks disciplined compared to Kestler who is slouched back, looking out the carriage window bored, playing with hair.
PANEL 2: Colouring totally different. Kestler is playing guitar in some forest town. Hess is there, looking very much alive. The pair are smiling.
Hess: “No, I’m serious, that’s a fantastic set. Are you sure you haven’t had proper training?”
Kestler: “You’re being nice to me, that’s an easy one to learn.”
PANEL 3: Kestler and Hess are sitting in a train carriage.
Hess: “Hey Phoebe, I decided to write you a song. It’s called ‘awesome lady from heaven planet’.”
PANEL 4: Back to carriage.
Carver (hasn’t even raised his eyes): “I suppose you must be thinking about Hess. I wouldn’t if I were you.”
Kestler: *looks very pissed off*
PAGE 20
PANEL 1: Carver and Kestler are getting out of the carriage, Tethlis and Tilda are there on the streets outside a large keep.
Tethlis: “Hey kids. I think we’ve got problems. Whatever’s happened with Hess has spilled out into the psychic realm.”
Carver: “What’s happening in the psychic realm?”
PANEL 2: Tethlis and closeup of Kestler looking shocked.
Tethlis: “Hess has become one of the undead and they want us to know it.”
PANEL 3:
Tilda and Carver checking weapons with Kestler in the background.
Tilda: “We should secure Hess’s body and remove it from any other corpses in case it’s a warning of things to come.”
Carver: “Agreed. We need to move quickly. Where is he buried?”
PANEL 4: Kestler yells at Carver.
Kestler: “Are you insane? Undead!? As in a zombie?!?”
Carver, looking grim as ever: “Let’s hope he’s a zombie. Then he’ll be easier to dismember.”
PAGE 21
PANEL1: Arguments.
Kestler: “I can’t believe you! He’s my goddamn cockhole soul mate and you’re talking about chopping him up right in front of me?”
Tethlis: “Don’t worry Kestler, we’re just checking it out. Visions aren’t always true. Besides, we can do this while you stay with officer Tilda.”
PANEL 2:
Carver: “Not true, we need her.”
Tilda: “What!? Why? She’s no use in that sort of fight.”
Carver: “If Hess has become a spirit or some other spectre with unfinished business, Kestler’s the only one here that will know what it is. She knows Hess better than anyone in town.”
PANEL 3:
Kestler: “You assholes. I’ll go. But I want armour and the best gun the monarchy can afford. You bastards want me alive for the rest of Inspiration project, you can at least equip me right.”
PAGE 22
Half of the page is a full body shot of Kestler with steel armour in various parts, holding the Curtiss-Jenny flintlock with both hands.
PANEL 1: closeup of gun in a velvet lined box.
“The Curtiss-Jenny is the most advanced flintlock made today. It combines a near unbustable chamber with projectile force that break the bones of up to three corpses in a 60ft line.”
PANEL 2:
Carver (looking worried): “That’s all very well and good, but how’s your aim?”
Kestler (smiling): “I’ll get some training done and when we arrive by midnight we can find out then.”
Tethlis: “Midnight arrival? It’s almost like we’re asking for this to be difficult.”
PAGE 23
PANEL ONE: Big image. Towering hill covered in gravestones and withered trees with a crypt up the top silhouetted by the moon. Group gathered by the gate.
PANEL TWO: Walking up the steps.
Carver: “Hess is buried in the crypt. Tethlis will keep the light up. Kestler shoot when they come close, go for the upper torso or head. I’ll lead.”
PANEL THREE: Carver turns, looks serious to them.
Carver: “If you see anything made out of a strange black metal, tell me and we’ll get out of there as soon as possible. Understood?”
PAGE 24
PANEL ONE: A rotten man bursts out of the shadows of the crypt towards the group. He is fast.
Rotten man: “Auuuargh!”
PANEL TWO:
Carver swings his sword in an arc and opens the corpse up. –SPLICH!-
PANEL THREE:
Tethlis and Kestler look shocked and unhappy. Carver has his face scrunched up and his sword is out, coated in gore. Foreground is body, twitching fingers.
PANEL FOUR: The team is heading down into an inky black crypt with gothic statues lining the walls. Carver leads with his sword out.
Kestler: “So this is your job? Going down into these places and stopping the dead rising?”
Carver: “Yeah. Jenseits can sense undead before they strike, we don’t get infected, we can’t be controlled and we’ve got all sorts of means to blast them to bits.”
PAGE 25 Action page, less text, more gory pics.
PANEL ONE: A lumbering zombie lurches out of the dark towards them. Carver looks determinedly away from it to something out of shot.
Carver: “Kestler, you take the slow one, two more are coming from in front of me!”
Tethlis is holding a handkerchief to his mouth and nose.
PANEL TWO:
Kestler shoots, the zombie’s upper body is reduced to red mist. –SPLUNCH!-
PANEL THREE:
Carver drives his sword down into one zombies shoulder, throws his hand out and blasts light out into one trying to bite his arm. –SPLICH!-
PAGE 26
PANEL ONE:
Corpses line the floors. The group’s silhouette continues down the corridor.
PANEL TWO:
A coffin with various flowers, pictures and a guitar scattered on it is in front before the group. Carver is standing above it with the others in the background looking worried, half faces are dark.
Carver: “This must be the one.”
PANEL THREE:
Carver pulls off stone casket, flowers fall on floor, petals come loose, pictures smash.
PANEL FOUR:
Closeup on Carver, with black figure loom above him with eyes lit, see Hellboy for style. Carver can’t see the figure but is yelling at the others.
Carver: “Guys! Watch out! It’s empty!”
PAGE 27
PANEL ONE:
Undead Hess lines up a swing with his guitar, he’s wearing all black, black metal seems to be coming out of his upper ribcage and arms. Carver is turning to react with his sword.
PANEL TWO:
-T-T-TANG!- Carver has been smashed across the head with Hess’s guitar and is flying across the room, his sword flying from his hand.
Carver: “Ugnh!”
Kestler and Tethlis: “No!”
Hess: “A jenseit here? I’m not going anywhere, altar-boy.”
PANEL THREE:
Carver is on his knees, undead Hess brings his guitar around into Tethlis’s neck, dropping him. See Scott pilgrim for brutal fight moves.
PAGE 28
PANEL ONE: Hess stands in front of Kestler. Kestler has the gun drawn at his head.
Kestler: “Hess? Is that you? What’s happened?”
Hess: “I’m so happy to see you again.”
Tethlis, downed: “He’s undead Kestler! It’s not your boyfriend!”
Kestler: “SHUT UP! HESS! Tell us what’s going on!”
PANEL TWO: Focusses entirely on Hess.
Hess: “Isn’t it obvious Kestler? Death has lost its power and the revival has been perfected. We can die and survive, creating music forever. We won’t become flesheaters, we’re ARTISTS. We’ve been chosen to create art forever. Don’t be frightened.”
PANEL THREE: Carver looks up, nose bloodied. He looks angry.
PAGE 29
PANEL ONE: Close up on Tethlis.
Tethlis: -Okay Carver, this dialogue is just going to end in the corpse guitarist trying to kill us, so I’m going to slide your sword to you, but for god’s sake, remain quiet-
PANEL TWO: Close up on Carver.
Carver: -I’ll do what I can. Make sure you keep him distracted.-
PANEL THREE:
Kestler and Hess eyeing each other off warily.
Kestler: “If you’re really okay and everything’s still working upstairs, what was the name of the song you wrote for me?”
Hess: “Augh! Do I have to say it so publicly?”
Kestler: “Yes.”
PAGE 30
PANEL ONE: Close-up on Hess, a bloodied Carver skulks behind him.
Hess: “Fine. It was ‘awesome lady from heaven planet’. Please put away the gun.”
Kestler: “It is you!”
PANEL TWO:
Carver drives his sword down into Hess’s exposed back, blood spurts from the opening in his chest, Hess turns around.
Hess: “You sneaky little bastard!”
Kestler: “No! Stop!”
PANEL THREE:
Hess and Carver jump away from each other.
Hess: “You misguided fool. You really don’t know what’s coming, do you?”
Carver: “I know bullshit when I hear it, and that old immortality line is full of it.”
Kestler: “Both of you! Stop! He’s my boyfriend!”
PAGE 31
PANEL ONE: Carver and Hess are duelling, guitar to sword. Both look furious.
Carver: “So what makes you talk? I’ve never seen that in a corpse before.”
Hess: “I’m telling you I’m perfectly in control of my own senses. You’re not banishing me anywhere.”
PANEL TWO: Carver thrusts and misses.
Hess: “Looks like your order just became redundant. Looks like all the oaths and the training and the sacrifices were pointless. Poor you.”
PANEL THREE: Hess has backed off and his coated in darkness. Carver has pulled out a human arm, bandaged and covered in strange superstitious charms.
Carver: “Not entirely redundant. I still have plenty of tricks.”
Hess: “Just one out of many in the full catalogue of the jenseits’ disgusting secrets.”
PAGE 32
PANEL ONE: Kestler helping up Tethlis.
Kestler: “Why’s he got that arm? That’s revolting!”
Tethlis: “All the jenseits strongest forces come from returning stolen parts back to the troubled deceased owners. They essentially graverobbers for spiritual power.”
PANEL TWO: Carver holds the arm in front of him. He is bathed in light.
Carver: “Assist me, divided Rosner. I return this stolen limb to you, unresting spirit!”
PANEL THREE:
An arcane circle surrounds Carver. He seems to have a ghostly insubstantial figure behind him. He holds out his sword and beams coruscate out. Carver smiles evilly.
PANEL FOUR:
Hess being blasted by magic.
PAGE 33
PANEL ONE: Hess has been fried, chunks are missing here and there. He is sinking into the shadows behind him.
Hess: “It was nice to see you again Phoebe, and lovely to meet you, Rubeun Carver but I need to deliver a message before I go.”
“This is just the beginning. All artists will turn to us, all of the useless consuming human society will be wiped from the planet. The jenseits will die young and alone. The ruin is coming.”
PANEL TWO: Closeup on Kestler who looks determined.
Kestler: “Good bye Hess.”
PANEL THREE: Hess’s face sinks into black.
Hess: “I’ll see you again.”
PAGE 34
PANEL ONE
Carver, Tilda and Tethlis are sitting at a table in a bar. In the background we can see Kestler playing guitar and singing. All characters are watching her.
BOX: Two days later.
CARVER: “She is a fantastic musician, isn’t she? I don’t normally get to hear bands.”
TILDA: “She is, yes. Excellent results. Listen Carver, you need to become familiar with the inspiration project. You’re going to need to accompany Kestler to the capital.”
PANEL TWO
TILDA: “But hey, I was talking to Kestler about you and she doesn’t know anything about the jenseits. At some point you need to explain a lot more about what you do. I don’t want her freaking out.”
Carver: “I’ll get it done. Soon.”
PANEL THREE, split panel with two sides.
Kestler jams out on guitar, hair going everywhere.
Carver sits watching intently, spine curled over with poor posture. Sideways profile.
BOX: To be continued.
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And there you have it. What do you think? I'm not giddy excited about it, but are you meant to be giddy about the script for the comic? It's only when I start drawing expressions and poses and stuff like that that I really get into it. I don't think the characters swear enough, and I don't think Kestler hates Carver enough, although in the next episode she'll hate him plenty.
